also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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