I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
