I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
