You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
