I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize