So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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