Your favorite bartender is back from prision
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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