Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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