hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
