porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
