Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
