Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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