i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
