im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
