just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
