He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
