I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize