i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
