i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize