he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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