Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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