If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize