Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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