my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
