she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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