idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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