So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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