tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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