also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
