Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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