It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
