Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
