I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
