Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
