just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
