So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
