Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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