There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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