Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
