i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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