I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
