I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
