In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
