I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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