There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
