Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
