he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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