yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
