I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
