so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
