If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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