Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
