my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
