i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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