He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
