dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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