All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
