well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
