Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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