dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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