I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
