3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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