lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
